You know, i had a look at the entries visible on my main page and i realised how depressing they seem. Emo`ified as warren would say.

But honestly, i'm feeling rather melancholy lately. No real idea why though.

Maybe coz this year,

I've wasted 6 months on something where my passion and drive for it has long burnt out.

Wasted 5 weeks regretting over an agreement i made.

Wasted 4 weeks on idling about and not keeping to my schedule.

Wasted 3 days on trying to get members to truly under what the whole project is about but to no avail.

Wasted 2 days trying to get redundant things off my head.

Wasted 1 hour writing letters to people for a peace of mind.


The biggest regret i have, this year, i guess, is being convinced to join track and then losing focus when everyone i cared for left.

But then, one thing i'm thankful for track is that thru' track, i got to know amazing people like Cassandra, Joseph, Gene, Khairi, Deborah and Benjamin during the PAE days.

Hmm. You realise, besides Deborah and Gene, none are in TPJC anymore. Oh and even so, Debs isnt going for training while Gene's well, usually not around.







On a side note, i've got Es for Economics and Chinese while I missed GP's E by one mark. Oh well.

drip.

Shoulder's a bit off the past two days.

Sometimes, i wish it'll just dislocate, maybe it'll save me the trouble of feeling it hanging there but not there.

I hate every injury inflicted upon myself.

Somehow, i wish that i'm able to climb again without my annoying back, shoulders and knees bugging me.

I'm somewhat hoping to get Ms Goh for SPE, do rockclimbing. I dont know why i wanna do this to myself. I know what's gonna happen. I know how i'll end up cringing in pain for a week or two. But i still wanna do it. Maybe it's just to get over the fact that i wasted a year on school work, giving up my chance to compete then and never getting another again. Maybe.

Waking every morning to hear my shoulders crack; to feel the bubbles burst as it pops out of the socket but not out enough for it to give way.

I hate my back, my shoulders, my knees.

For every moment of pain it gives.

For every moment of my life it drains away.

Drip.

Overseas Immersion Twinning Project

As promised, here's my response for the 'Overseas Immersion Twinning Project Application Form'


1．你希望从这项浸濡计划获得什么？
我希望从这项浸濡计划中了解更多的中国文化与历史，同时提高我的华文水平。并且从中体会中国学子们的教育生涯。此外，如果我能亲眼目睹孔子的家乡，那将会让我更能了解中华教育制度的由来。

2．你的特长是什么？
我认为我言谈具有幽默性。老师，由于我不喜欢自夸，因此不想多说。:)

3．山东省实验中学师生7月份到访时，你会安排／设计一项怎么样的活动给他们？
首先我会安排他们去国家博物院以多了解新加坡的历史与文化。再来，就带他们去我国四大种族集聚区参观及体验新加坡的当地小吃。

Well, to be honest, i only wrote the 2nd answer, the other 2 i had some help. And yes, i really summitted it. The interview's tomorrow, let's just hope that the interviewers have a sense of humour.

Oh and if i dont get in, i'll sign up for OCIP. I'll filled in the form already. =))

Oookay. Papers over. =))

Ah. Ohoh. Better remind mum to get my stuff printed. Yes it's true, i signed up for the whole china exchange trip thingy. Lalala~

I'll post up a sample of it some time. Honestly, i dont care if i get in or not, if i do, good, if not, well, i could always work on my guitar during the hols. =]

Hmm. Okay, better get off now, meeting Leah for dinner. Thank goodness edwin cancelled the blading session. Would've been too exhausted for the nightout. =)

your hand holding onto my.

I just realised how many mistakes i've made this break, how much time i've wasted. Dammit. Stop procrastinating shuyun !! Dammit la. Argh.

Yesterday i posted something on the class forum, well, personally i didnt believe half the stuff i was typing, but i decided to still do it coz i know, no matter, someone might feel better after that. After all, everyone needs a lil' push at times. So there.

But yea, i'll be staying up to finish reading bio, clearing math tomorrow.

I know i can do it.

David, i know we can make it. Come on S08 ! We'll make it thru' !



@Evan,
your mail psyched me and made me even more stressed can ? And well, you never change either, so shut up. =P

God, i need you and your grace to carry me through.

windshadow

Had a talk with warren last night. A very random talk as usual. But while doing so, i remembered him.

Recalling places, things, songs even colours that remind me of you. Crazy i know.


Yet..

You know, i realised, after all that's happened, i'm always running in your windshadow.


I want to take a step back and say i've grown up, i dont want to live up to your expectations of me. I dont want you to be there to pull me up whenever i fall. Whenever i think i cant go on. I dont want you to cheer me on like what you've been doing. Being there but not there. Always ahead. Looking back at me occasionally, telling me to hurry up.

Thank you for all the time you've given me. For all the bright moments. For lifting me up on all those numerous days. Please dont think i'm ingrateful, i'm not. I just dont want to be your burden. I dont want you to be too worried about me falling back. I'll only hamper you, you know that. I'm sick of your self-denial. I'm sick of my self-denial. I dont want to stay under your wings. It's time for me to let go.

Instead of living to be what you want me to be, whatever i want to be, just let me be.

It's time we both moved on.













I'm sorry Evan. I really am.

lately.

You know, i still have atomic structure, chemical bonding (1,2,3) gaseous state and thermochemistry to study for chem. Polysac to go for bio and bio's only read thru' la. Math have not even started and i cant find my bloody AMath textbook. Screwed.

Anyway, i was under therapy the past few days. Retail therapy.
I bought 6 hairclips, 5 cds, 3 tops, 2 shoes (a pair la), 1 handbag + lots of nonsense.

Oh and i bought this lil' hippo on a keychain and the more i stare at it the more it reminds me of wilfred.

So i named it wilfred. Hi freddie. =)

Ps. I realised i accidently delated my last post's comment. Any idea how to get it back ? =/

PostSecret.

PostSecret

I believe most of you might have heard of this site by now, for those who have not, do check it out.

I think the reason why PostSecret actually works is because somehow, everyone can relate to some of what's seen there. Be it just a small confession of a lie told, to the ones of joy, to the more heart-wrenching ones of regret, guilt and shame.

Humanity as a diamond in the rough. It's a peek into the raw thoughts and emotions of your fellow human being. What's seen there assures us that despite what we've done or how crazy that thing is, we're not the only one. Someone, somewhere has done it too. Knowing you're not alone reassures you that no matter what, you're still sane - most of the time anyway.

It's like sharing a bond with this person you never knew - All because of that crazy little piece of paper with a note. Be amused, appalled, shocked, amazed or intriguted by all that's seen there. What you see, reminds us that, after all, we're but mere mortals.

Ones who all, from time to time, live behind a mask.

concluded.

I cant believe how many people i even spoke to about regarding the whole issue. Sheesh.

3 days. The usual deadline. I wonder what's with my life and the number 3 anyway.

Lyon, Debs, Mum, Warren, Andrew(Ong), Gerald, Esther, Johann, Alvin(Chia), WeiMin, Alexi, WangKi.

Thanks. Especially to Andrew for balantly pointing out what i chose to be oblivious to and to Alexi for giving me what i later realised to be the most obvious solution.

Anyway, last person i spoke to being Ki where i went on and on about the whole stupid thing. Nonetheless while giving his views, he tried to entertain/distract me by talking about his funny computer teacher from HongKong, classmate with the uber deep voice and past canoeing experience.

He used to be a T-1 and K-2 rower. Was talking of his 'sponge days' where he and his K-2 partner would 'borrow' the NJC (or was it NY ? Hmm.. ) canoeing team's sponges for their boat as they were severly underweight for a K-2 boat. Very very amusing.

Thanks people. =)

Ps. Oooooo. I found Brandon's blog. =P

start the engines

I think i'll drop dan a line tomorrow later this evening.



Getting my problems settled, getting stuff sorted.

I dont need your views nor your take on my life.

Because i dont need you and your judgement.

It's time for me to take the plunge.

Time for the games to start.

Now, all that i need,

Jesus, is for you,


to take control.

dammit.

Actually, i think i'm more upset over the fact that i lost the purse - which was a gift from Ting and Leah - and my duck then the financial blow.

Oh and the photos.

And the trouble of having to go to make a new ezlink + take stupid passport sized photos.

Argh.

gimmi back my duck.

whoopee.

70 in my cards, 50 in cash, 30 in credit, another 50 for replacement of cards.

Like wow. 200 dollars gone.

Oh and another 5 for the duck.

Great. Just great.

Besides that, sorry wilfred for standing you up. Really sorry.

Now that is done with,
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Oh and i realised how bloody hardy my phone is. After all, how i usually throw it against the wall/floor/chair/table and it's still in workable condition.

Just take today for an example, after i threw it against the chair, it rebounced, bounced on floor twice, landed some 10m away from where i was and then rang. Wilfred calling.

Argh. I hate myself for always losing my stuff. No identification in this to boot. Damn.

piggy

Daniel ! If you're reading this, just wanna say, i miss you a lot.


Let's go out soon 'kay. =)

bah.

I took down the last post (for the moment) due to the fact that, as the pw survey's link is so amazingly long, i had to give out my blog address so that people can get to the survey's link.

Anyway, i've been using this line to convince my contacts on MSN to do the survey:

coz i know that you're nice and you would like shuyun to have a bright beaming future as a housewife please help me do a survey at this address:
http://www.makesurvey.net/cgi-bin/survey.dll/160AD8B1962D423CB2DF30BDCCD67C66
thank you very much and i love you too. =)

The housewife aspect is getting me a lot of heckling though. Sheesh.
For those that asked and i've yet to answer why, well, it's a really simple equation actually.

PW = A levels = Uni admission = Course = Child Psychology = Successful housewife


So there. Be nice and help Shuyun. =)

=)

I'm really really so so grateful for getting to know ki. Really.

For all the help and entertainment he's been.

It's so crazy. He remembers despite what i thought and everything that's changed. When you would think that no one remembers, he still does. Like a fragment of the past that lives on. Only thing is, this is a beautiful lil' piece of it. Haha.

Thanks for entering my life ki, only thing i'm upset about is that you chose not to stay here. =/

Miss you tons ya.

Thanks for making me seem so appreciated. Honestly now. Thanks. Love ya. =)

Pw.

Hi all my dearies out there.

Please be nice to dear lil' shuyun and click on this adorable link; helping me do a short survey. It's really short. Like really.


Thanks people, I heart all of you. =)




Unless you didnt do the survey. Rawr.

a peaceful Sunday morning.

Woke up this morning and dragged myself out of bed after lying in it for a whole hour. After the usual morning clean up routine and much dilatory, I trudged down the stairs into the kitchen as mum forces me to eat this humongous bowl of 'fishball noodle'.

Personally, I've got nothing against fishball noodles, but being made to shove down a whole bowl of expanded yellow pasta is not exactly what I would like for breakfast - Especially since I rarely eat breakfast.


So after a painstaking hour of chewing and swallowing, I did not manage to finish my noodles. Nevertheless, I ate an adequate amount for mum to be satisfied enough to release me from the kitchen. As I was about to make myself a cup of refreshing honey-lime to sip as I slack the late morning away, mum gave orders for me to sweep the floors. Shudder people, shudder.

15 days without Rati - that's my maid's name for those ignoramuses out there - I feel so deprived. =(

So yea. Did so mum requested. I almost died la. My wrists ache. Yes, I admit to being a spoilt brat - sometimes.

Nonetheless, after the torturous half hour, I'm done with my task and thus - finally - able to take a break. I picked up The Sundays Times from the newspaper rack and started flipping through the paper.

Teacher warned for having 'sexy legs' banter with JC girl

At that moment, i was in a state of ambivalence.
Self-righteous school loving self: Oh crap. School's washing dirty linen in public. Now the whole nation would know of this scandalous affair !! Noooo !!!!
The usual bitchy self: Ooooo. Yazid scandal. Wonder how's school gonna convince the school's population about the whole tpjc.net wasnt shut down due to him thing now. Heh.

Anyway the whole report was so balantly boring i doubt the school's - already tinted - reputation would go down. So there.

Now, off to meet Charlie ! Have a good day people. =)

my food. my tooth.

Lately, my darling wisdom tooth has been killing me. It hurts sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much whenever i eat !!!!!!!! =((

Oh well. Maybe it's a good thing too. I mean, after all, for the last two months i've been eating non-stop while now that school's ended, my daily exercise routine consists of me walking to the kitchen to find more food.

Ouch.

At this rate, i'll put on even more weight then during the O's period !!!Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!!!!!

Hmmm.. I just realised my excessive use of exclaimation marks in this post. Okay. Random, i know.

So yea. In a bid to lose weight and regain my *snort* fitness level, i shall go run later. Miss my night runs.

unwanted affection.

You know, the hardest thing to deal with in life, i guess, is unwanted affection.

Like alexi once said, 'when friends start developing beyond friends, you can rarely still be as close as before.'

I hate the truth in that statement.

So please. Please dont spoil my life.

All i wanted is you as a friend.